Dance, Sing and Drink Wine

Daily Necessities of Life – and Coffee Helps Too

Social Media Zombie Traps

If there is one thing you can always count on with social media, and in particular FaceBook, it’s those stupid trends in posting that leave you wondering if your friends have turned in to Repost Zombies (insert evil laughter and Zombie groans).

We’ve all seen them. And some most all of us have partaken (real word – YES it is) in them even if we rethink that we can post it at 3am when we can’t sleep hoping that not too many people actually see it.

Let’s explore, shall we? In no particular order of annoyance:

Quizzes

Most notably, the personality quizzes, aka “Which __________ are you?” Who on your list of friends has posted 15 too many of these?  You know how I get around annoying people with my post but still get the answer to the nagging question, “Which __________ am I?” I take the quiz and then just leave my result in the comments of the original poster’s post.

In the event anyone even cares, I am a pink Snow White tulip Laverne 1940s disco Egyptian doctor with five kids, a dog and a soda shop who is 75% bitchy and lives in a rustic log cabin in New York City. And I need to go die my hair red. I also should be dating Bradley Cooper.  Could someone please give him my number? He loves me. One day he will love me. HE WILL!

I’ve actually noticed this Quiz thing twice during my six-year tenure on Facebook. The most recent occurrence of this trend has been going on for about a year now, so let’s do something about it. Let’s all swear that we will not take any more quizzes or acknowledge any friend who takes said quizzes for the next 30 days – unless it’s about wine.  We should always take the wine quizzes because wine is fine. Vino is keen-o. Dude, they’re just fun. Because they’re about wine. Bradley Cooper likes them.

TBT

OHHH! Isn't this just the cutest #TBT photo you've ever seen? ISN'T IT?

OHHH! Isn’t this just the cutest #TBT photo you’ve ever seen? ISN’T IT?

Ok, I admit it. I got so caught up in this one that I actually felt like a failure if I forgot one. I would start by posting it on Instagram and then linking that right to my FaceBook account.  Because everyone wants to see it twice on two different formats.  Yes, you do! Shut up and look at my kids in Halloween costumes from who-the-flip-cares-how-many years ago. The only people who really want to see that are the Grandparents and Godparents, and even they would prefer to only see it once.  At least that’s what all their PMs tell me.

Vague Posts To Get You To Post So As To TRAP YOU!

“I just got out of a ticket using my boobs.”

“Anyone got any tampons? I’m desperate.”

“Out of toilet paper. Goodbye socks.”

“How do you get rid of foot fungus?”

You remember these, right?  There were similar instances where women would post just the color of their bras in their status or something else ambiguous to get people to ask about the status (or offer a fungus remedy). Then whoever got suckered in to commenting had to join the game or risk going to Social Media Hell or something else stupid like that. Let’s face it, these statuses were nothing more than passive-aggressive attempts at grandstanding, and we were all afraid to not repost lest we would not show our support for the George Costanza Human Fund thus proving our worthless and dead hearts only beat for the soul purpose of our own selfish agenda. Or something like that. That was you, wasn’t it?  I’ll bet you don’t celebrate Festivus either. Selfish bastard.

E-Cards

These bugged the crap out of me until people started getting really snarky with them.  That’s when they got funny.

It's like who ever made this one up has a subscription to the channel of my life!

It’s like who ever made this one up has a subscription to the channel of my life!

Those Games

I knew I had gone too far when I scheduled a trip to a water park around my strawberry crops and the availability of the hotel’s wifi.

It started with the likes of Mafia Wars and Farmville. You’d literally feel like a failure if you ran out of “stamina, energy or health” playing Mafia Wars – remember that shit? I do. I sucked molten hot lava rocks at that game.  So I switched to Farmville where I planted crops like a bitchin’ boss, baby! I knew I had gone too far when I scheduled a trip to a water park around my strawberry crops and the availability of the hotel’s wifi.

My name is Julie and these games ran my effin' life until I quit them cold turkey.

My name is Julie and these games ran my effin’ life until I quit them cold turkey.

Now it’s the likes of CandyCrush and all the spin offs from the “King” team. I don’t apologize for that one. In fact, I’m taking this opportunity to offer a yummy pan of brownies to whoever can get me the hell off of Level 149.  I’m going to fucking die there, I’m sure. Someone please save me! At least I don’t post about it every time I complete a level or something! I got that going for me.

The Guilt Posts

“I nursed your mother back from her crack addiction.”

They all start with something like, “Let’s see who is REALLY reading my posts,” or some other shit like that. The end game is usually to see who really reads the entirely too long and drawn out post to the end and follows the instructions.  Typically, they want you to tell them how you met them or to use the first letter of your elementary school teacher’s dog’s name to come up with another word to describe them (the poster, not the teacher or the dog, of course).

Just once I’d like someone to post something really effed up about how they met. Something like, “You were naked in the quad and I brought you pants.” Another funny one would be, “I nursed your mother back from her crack addiction.” Yep, that’s how I’m answering those whiny questions from now on. Wait! How about, “I was your first wife you broke-dick ass-wipe!”

What’s Your __________ Name?

Aren’t they cute? And fun? And special? Who doesn’t want to know his or her cupid name on Valentine’s Day or Superhero Pimp name any other time of the year?  Here’s my favorite:

Aweome! My Elf Name is No One Cares!

Awesome! My Elf Name is “No One Cares!”

What trends annoy the shit out of you?  Let me know what I forgot in the poll or and comments, please. Maybe we’ll do a Part Deux of this post.

STOP EVERYTHING!
Mother of Pearl and all things Good and Holy!
How could I have forgotten #HASHTAGS?

#Hashtags

#Awesome #WineBoss #Hashtag

Who the hell made these things up? Remember when # meant pounds or denoted a number?  Really, who chose it as symbol for finding random dumbass posts about something online? Did that person make any money off this? I hope so. Because what else would be the motivation?

Honestly, I try to use these. I think I am getting the hang of it. My 12-year-old once told me I was “too old,” to use hashtags.  That was like a punch to the gut. I got her back by bombarding her Instagram with hashtags for a week.  My favorites were:

#ILikeCheese
#MyMomIsWonderwoman
#Hashtag

She finally started to answer with, #MomStop. Touché! Or, should I say, #touché

#WineBoss

My favorite #hashtag ever is #WineBoss. I got this one after my six-year-old son told his class that his Mom is a “Wine Boss.”  #Awesome. My friend was subbing in his classroom that day. But that’s a whole ‘nother blog post.

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Will I ever get tired of Gene Wilder as Willie Wonka? HELL NO!

Will I ever get tired of Gene Wilder as Willie Wonka? HELL NO!

21 comments on “Social Media Zombie Traps

  1. Amanda
    February 16, 2015

    Great list! I have always hated the games – I never got into them and never understood how people enjoyed them so much. And why do people still keep sending invites!?!?!?!

  2. paperdaisyme
    February 16, 2015

    Lots to not like there. Although the occasional Throw back Thursday is fun and kind of endearing.

  3. Kristen
    February 16, 2015

    I also hate the games, but do enjoy the TBT’s!

  4. Jess Meddows
    February 17, 2015

    Ahhh this made me laugh so much! You pretty much mentioned every one of my Facebook post irks. Though, I should admit I did one of those stupid “what are you” quizzes today after my friend posted up her result. I have to say, I’m usually so embarrassed that I’m doing them, that I don’t post the evidence on Facebook! LOL

  5. Farrah
    February 17, 2015

    hahahaha, repost zombies. 😛 I love the term! I used to take online quizzes back in the day (…about a decade ago), but that was when I had a livejournal, and I’d throw them in after the lj-cut so it wouldn’t clog up my friends’ feeds.

    I love the snarky e-cards! :]

    Hashtags still piss me off, although I do admit, I use them for twitter/instagram. (SIGH. ._.) I feel like I need to share with you that someone named their daughter “Hashtag.”

    I fear for humanity.

    • Julie Smith
      February 17, 2015

      Seriously? First, that poor kid is never going to be able to find anything with her name on it. Or his name on it. Either way. Maybe they want him or her to be like Prince where you just use a symbol for the name? Wow. Or should I say #wow

      • Farrah
        February 17, 2015

        Unfortunately, yes. :[ I’ve never been able to find anything with my name on it either, but I love my name. Hashtag, on the other hand…definitely not a playground-friendly name. :\

  6. Émilie
    February 17, 2015

    My favorite has to be e-cards!

  7. Talia Foster
    February 17, 2015

    The most annoying one is the games. I don’t play games but I do like the others expecially with trying to get people engaged on your business page.

  8. cleaneatingveggiegirl
    February 17, 2015

    I have to admit that I love the “who are you?” quizzes on Buzzfeed. They entertain me when I am bored 😉

  9. Victoria
    February 17, 2015

    Great list. I do some of the games but not a lot of them.

  10. Lisa Babick
    February 17, 2015

    Those snarky e-cards are the best. I don’t get into the games and quizzes. Hashtags for the most part are annoying, especially when people use them on Facebook. One or two on Twitter, I think is acceptable, but when they overused…I just start blocking people.

  11. Ariana
    February 18, 2015

    Haha! The games really bother me. I don’t care that other people like to play Farmville or Zombie Apocalypse or whatever it is now, but the constant invitations are crazy!

  12. Pingback: Moms vs. Zombies | Dance, Sing and Drink Wine

  13. Stephanie @ The Dish BCS
    July 14, 2015

    Hahaha I love ecards especially the ones that are slightly inappropriate!

    • Julie Smith
      July 14, 2015

      Yes, they’re funny. Just remember to use it responsibly! And only over post on a friends wall when it’s a birthday. Because that’s really funny!

  14. birdhousebooks
    July 14, 2015

    LOL great post! I will admit I am a pushover for those quizzes and take one at least once a week on Facebook.

    • Julie Smith
      July 14, 2015

      Yes, I do take the quizzes to. However, I get away with it by either not posting the results or I leave a comment and somebody else’s post about the quiz regarding my own results. Is that cheating?

  15. Haha! I can deal with all of the games, quizzes, photos, etc. But the ones that drive me crazy are the vague posts or the guilt posts! Or the emo ones where someone just posts something like “This is the worst day ever” or even just a frowny face but won’t elaborate.

    • Julie Smith
      July 14, 2015

      I so agree. I always have a right about that host and want to unfriend that person. But then my conscience won’t let me, so I usually just unfollowed them. I have enough issues in my own life. I don’t need others to bring me down too, ha ha! Wow, that really makes me sound like a jerk. Oh well!

  16. Liz
    July 14, 2015

    Ah I’m definitely guilty of a few of these!

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