Dance, Sing and Drink Wine

Daily Necessities of Life – and Coffee Helps Too

The Rules of Wine Club

Wine-Club-Les-Roches

Every woman of legal drinking age should belong to a Wine Club. But, remember that this is not just a regular wine party where everyone shows up with random wine – those suck.  A real Wine Club is Serious Business. It must rotate from house to house on a set date and time. You could do every Winesday (Wednesday, duh!) or have a Third Thirsty Thursday each month.  You get the idea, right?

A real Wine Club requires serious members and the following rules:

The First Rule of Wine Club is tell EVERYONE about Wine Club — because then there will be more wine! And, if you’re the host, you can make a House Rule that you get to try every single wine that comes through the door. No Exceptions — unless someone brings crap wine.

Spread the word!

Spread the word!

Which brings us to …………..

The Second Rule of Wine Club is if you bring a cheap-ass bottle of wine, you get no snacks! NO SNACKS FOR YOU!!! If you aren’t sure how to choose wine, just grab a nice bottle of white. Most people will go for a quality white wine. Key word is QUALITY, cupcake!

Looks yummy, right? Then you better bring a good wine, dammit!

Looks yummy, right? Then you better bring a good wine, dammit!

The Third Rule of Wine Club is No Men! Unless they are gay. Because gay men usually buy the good stuff. Yes, we understand that more and more straight men are getting in to wine. However, Wine Club is our chance to bitch about them, so they simply can’t come. Seriously.

Sorry, Charlie. Out you go!

Sorry, Charlie. Out you go!

The Fourth Rule of Wine Club is No Kids! If you give me any of that “my sitter crapped out on me” shit — nuh-uh, NO! You bring a kid, you leave. But, leave the wine first, please. Thank You!

OMG! No. Just No. No Kids!

OMG! No. Just No. No Kids!

The Fifth Rule of Wine Club is if you bring a bottle of red, then dammit, make sure you get there early enough for it to air before Wine Club starts and/or bring an aerator. Seriously, get some class! Only wannabe real red drinkers open and drink a red. LOSERS! I suggest one of these reds. Team any one of them with 45 minutes and/or above mentioned aerator, and you’ll be the Wine Club Goddess!

You must, repeat MUST air the reds for 45 minutes or run them through an aerator. Not doing so is a huge violation and an affront on wine.

You must, repeat MUST, air the reds for 45 minutes or run them through an aerator. Not doing so is a huge violation and an affront on wine.

The Sixth Rule of Wine Club is you may NOT dress up for Wine Club. This is not about who has the most expensive designer clothes or the newest shoes. No! This is time to sit on the couch, Drink Wine, and have some fun.  If you must come directly from work, you better bring a pair of yoga pants to change in to, bitch!

You have to be comfortable.

You have to be comfortable. Why would you not want to be comfortable? It makes no sense.

And finally, there will be a raffle at the end of each Wine Club to see who gets to take home all the empty bottles and corks for crafts.

Any violation of the rules will result in a Wine Out. The offender will have to miss the next wine club, and will be required to bring two bottles of wine to each Wine Club until her probation is over.  The members of the Wine Club will vote to determine how long the probation will last.

So, there you go. Pretty simple, right?  Ok, go now and start your own Wine Club! Report back. Let me know how it goes!

Related Posts! Check them out! Why the hell not?
Sangria, The Official Drink of Summer
Love Wine? Need Money?

18 comments on “The Rules of Wine Club

  1. Bahahah! Love this. Thanks so much for the laugh. XO

  2. Kathy
    March 11, 2015

    hahaha love this! We’ve been running our own version for about four years now and the rules change along the way. We sometimes dress up though – Christmas, birthdays yada yada – and we are rather selevtive about membership but do offer the odd invitational event for those poor desperate wannabe goblet girls. lol! Keep it up!

  3. Victoria
    March 11, 2015

    I am loving the wine club rules lol, especially the no men one.

  4. nellecreations
    March 11, 2015

    You had me at the name! Wine Club 🙂

  5. pbpearls
    March 11, 2015

    I love this! I have to share this with my best friend. We are wineos! I found 2.99 bottle wine at Kroger grocery store and it actually tasted pretty good. I was so excited!

  6. Kristina
    March 11, 2015

    Haha. This is great!!! I love my wine!

  7. thedomesticbuzz
    March 12, 2015

    I LOVE the First Rule of Wine Club. The more wine, the better!

  8. Zakkiya Hamza
    March 13, 2015

    I don’t drink but these are some great tips for holding a wine party ! 🙂

  9. Penny Scharf Ellis
    March 13, 2015

    Love it! 🙂

  10. Sandy
    March 13, 2015

    Love it! Now I must join a wine club 🙂

  11. Julie
    March 19, 2015

    hahaha! I think rule 6 is my favorite!

  12. Meag
    March 19, 2015

    Oh my gosh, love this more than anything. I need to start one of these. Is it possible to start a club with 2 people?
    xxcheers, Meag

    • Julie Smith
      March 19, 2015

      Sure! Just tell everyone to bring a friend 😜

  13. Jenn
    March 23, 2015

    Made me laugh like a crazy person! “If you must come directly from work, you better bring a pair of yoga pants to change in to, bitch!” LOVE!

  14. Typically I am much more of a craft beer kinda girl but I do love me some merlot from time to time. This sounds awesome… and hilarious! 😉

  15. Pingback: Sangria – The Official Drink Of Summer! | Dance, Sing and Drink Wine

  16. Pingback: All I Want for Christmas is a Wine Club! | Dance, Sing and Drink Wine

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