Daily Necessities of Life – and Coffee Helps Too
Every woman of legal drinking age should belong to a Wine Club. But, remember that this is not just a regular wine party where everyone shows up with random wine – those suck. A real Wine Club is Serious Business. It must rotate from house to house on a set date and time. You could do every Winesday (Wednesday, duh!) or have a Third Thirsty Thursday each month. You get the idea, right?
A real Wine Club requires serious members and the following rules:
The First Rule of Wine Club is tell EVERYONE about Wine Club — because then there will be more wine! And, if you’re the host, you can make a House Rule that you get to try every single wine that comes through the door. No Exceptions — unless someone brings crap wine.
Which brings us to …………..
The Second Rule of Wine Club is if you bring a cheap-ass bottle of wine, you get no snacks! NO SNACKS FOR YOU!!! If you aren’t sure how to choose wine, just grab a nice bottle of white. Most people will go for a quality white wine. Key word is QUALITY, cupcake!
The Third Rule of Wine Club is No Men! Unless they are gay. Because gay men usually buy the good stuff. Yes, we understand that more and more straight men are getting in to wine. However, Wine Club is our chance to bitch about them, so they simply can’t come. Seriously.
The Fourth Rule of Wine Club is No Kids! If you give me any of that “my sitter crapped out on me” shit — nuh-uh, NO! You bring a kid, you leave. But, leave the wine first, please. Thank You!
The Fifth Rule of Wine Club is if you bring a bottle of red, then dammit, make sure you get there early enough for it to air before Wine Club starts and/or bring an aerator. Seriously, get some class! Only wannabe real red drinkers open and drink a red. LOSERS! I suggest one of these reds. Team any one of them with 45 minutes and/or above mentioned aerator, and you’ll be the Wine Club Goddess!
The Sixth Rule of Wine Club is you may NOT dress up for Wine Club. This is not about who has the most expensive designer clothes or the newest shoes. No! This is time to sit on the couch, Drink Wine, and have some fun. If you must come directly from work, you better bring a pair of yoga pants to change in to, bitch!
And finally, there will be a raffle at the end of each Wine Club to see who gets to take home all the empty bottles and corks for crafts.
Any violation of the rules will result in a Wine Out. The offender will have to miss the next wine club, and will be required to bring two bottles of wine to each Wine Club until her probation is over. The members of the Wine Club will vote to determine how long the probation will last.
So, there you go. Pretty simple, right? Ok, go now and start your own Wine Club! Report back. Let me know how it goes!