Dance, Sing and Drink Wine

Daily Necessities of Life – and Coffee Helps Too

You’re Not Fooling Anyone!

What the hell is wrong with people these days? It’s like social media has given us license to become stupid liars on a public format. Seriously!

How many times do you think, “Yeah, right! Liar!” as you scroll through your feeds? How many times have you wanted to call someone out on some shit she posted but held back? (Better question – how many times didn’t you hold back?)

Let’s explore a few ………………

“I hate drama!”

People who post this LOVE drama. Let’s face it, people who really hate drama just don’t talk about it. Period. When someone posts this, she really just wants everyone to call her to find out what/who she has to bitch about. That busybody whore doesn’t hate drama, she is looking to make drama!

LAE-1304-Pink-Lace_500px (1)

 

Selfies taken from above.

Puh-fuckin-lease! Nothing says “fat ass” like a selfie taken from way up high! We all know that trick, Chubby, so give it up!

If the Kardashians can be credited with teaching us anything of value, it would be how to take a slimming selfie.

If the Kardashians can be credited with teaching us anything of value, it would be how to take a slimming selfie.

 

“I love my husband so much! He does so much for our family.”

Yeah, that person will be divorced in six to twelve months. Nothing like a last-ditch public statement to try and save a marriage. Sad, sad, sad.

Divorce Just Ahead Sign Green highway sign with words Divorce Just Ahead with stormy sky background

Divorce Just Ahead Sign Green highway sign with words Divorce Just Ahead with stormy sky background

 

Reporting every single letter grade or copying and pasting exact teacher notes from report cards.

Um, that’s the sign of a parent who is worried everyone thinks her kid is a total idiot. Face it, if the kid is that smart, you shouldn’t need to remind us Every. Single. Marking Period. This parent may be similar to, but really should not be confused with the parent who posts ………

 

“I’m so proud of my son! He worked so hard to finish his science project.

That parent isn’t proud! That parent is relieved that her lazy-ass kid actually did something other than play video games all day. She knows every other kid got the project finished and hers is nothing special. She wants the world to know that there is a slight chance in hell that her kid won’t be a “gamer” living in her basement after high school.

Seriously. if I ever do this, I hope one of my friends slaps me.

Seriously. if I ever do this, I hope one of my friends slaps me.

 

“I’m sick of being sick.”

First, STFU you little pansy whiner! Everyone gets sick! People who post this are wimps who are secretly hoping someone will take pity on them and offer to help with carpooling.

workingsickmartyr

“Innocent” Selfies with Cleavage.

You know, the ones where they post, “Just wanted to show off my new earrings,” or some other shit like that. Why not just post, “Horny and Desperate,” as the caption? At least that’s honest. These are most often posted by someone who probably posted about how much she loves her husband right before the imminent divorce. Ever notice how more men like these posts than women?

"How does everyone like my boobs -- I mean my new necklace?" Whoopsie!

“How does everyone like my boobs — I mean my new necklace?” Whoopsie!

“Thanks to everyone who sent me birthday wishes!”

Ok, that post is really just half of what she wants to say. What she wants to follow it up with (but probably never will) is, “and all the rest of you who didn’t twenty seconds out of your day to post shit can go to hell!” This is a guilt post for all those who missed posting a birthday meme or some simple note.

There’s More! So Much More!

What other full of shit posts can you think of? Share it below in the comments!!

6 comments on “You’re Not Fooling Anyone!

  1. Jaelan @ Making Mrs. M
    October 20, 2015

    Hahahahahah! This is brilliant.

  2. beckyginther
    October 20, 2015

    Haha! Sad but many of them seem too accurate! The only one I think I’m guilty of is the complaining about being sick. What else is there to do when you’re sick but make facebook posts about it? 😉

    • Julie Smith
      October 20, 2015

      That’s true, but as a writer, I like to challenge myself: “If this fever does not desist, I will organize my sinuses to strike!” Or something like that, ha ha!

  3. serenemomblog
    October 20, 2015

    LOL! Great laugh. I especially can’t stand the women who obviously are posting pictures of their body, but mention something innocent like their “necklace” sure…okay.

  4. So hilarious!!! Ugh – so very true. Lordy. Love that. Totally following.

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This entry was posted on October 19, 2015 by in General Snarkiness, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , .

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